Our Horror Is Their Oxygen

I went down the hole, this past week. Even before the election – I just became useless. Showed up and did my work. But otherwise, spent my time on…I can’t remember. TV is a good escape. I know that I devoured shows and documentaries. An “anywhere but here” moment. My brain, in an act of self-preservation – took a vacation.

But we all have to wake up from our stupor sometime. Much to my internal disagreement, that waking up is upon me now.

And I’ve realized the obvious: the last time this man was in power, we were all yanked around by cortisol-inducing Friday night news dumps. I remember coming home from work on the Staten Island ferry, checking Twitter obsessively. And I won’t do that anymore. Who can stand it anymore? I’m not going to participate, even as a spectator.

This is a group of people who thrive on our reactions. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Rapists, abusers – they love when we’re horrified. They love when we’re upset. That’s what fuels them; that’s what they seek out. The more they can subject a person to their behavior, grind a person under their heel, the happier they are.

But, as with any addiction, that happiness doesn’t last long. These abusers need to seek out more thrills, more ways to bend reality to their will. They’re happy right now – to be the worst possible versions of themselves to “own the libs”, but it’s more than that. It’s the cry of those who know they’re wrong, because reality is not in any way bending; it’s reality, and it’s not going anywhere. Those people who died of COVID because they refused vaccinations and help – well, reality nailed them.

But again, that outrage, that horror, is just more ammunition for the crazypants. I’m not going to feed the fire. It’s time to write, to think, to focus on what history and literature can supply us. It’s not immediate work – it’s not a knee-jerk reaction – but a time for digging and plowing and building the infrastructure to resist the tyranny that is surely on its way – and building the analysis that will help other generations (hopefully) resist dictatorships to come.