I was going to have a lovely summer vacation by a lake at a B&B near Brattleboro, where there are a ton of lovely boutiques and bookstores and whatnot. I was going to write.
I mean, yes, I am still writing, but it’s not the writing I wanted to do. I was going to drive up from Staten Island, stay over at a spa hotel in Holyoke, and then up to the B&B.
I’m not exactly feeling sorry for myself. I’m just kind of admitting the loss of what was supposed to be a good summer getaway. It’s important to mark the loss of things. Eliding it means it’ll come back later, in a haunting.
I still have 12 days of PTO remaining – I’m so grateful for that. And grateful for my work family – they are so very understanding. I will take that vacation next summer. At least I have a plan.
New antibiotics tonight. Apparently I’ve saturated myself and need to devolve to a lesser dose. It means I’m getting better.
In the meantime, FreshDirect is saving my life, Option Care infusion service is saving my life, I have a nurse calling me every 3 days and another nurse coming to take blood and change my dressing every 4 days.
I am lucky. I am so lucky. Again, if my friend Mary hadn’t insisted on taking me to urgent care and then to the emergency room, I very well might not be alive today.
I am so grateful for all my care. For everyone who loves me and takes care of me; for nurses and techs who go above and beyond. For friends who check in and are so supportive.
I really am so lucky.
New Virago 
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